When I was in grade school, they mocked and teased me. They said I’d never amount to anything.
Boys would chase me as I walked home alone and throw rocks at me, making me run home as fast as I possibly could every day.
Girls would tip over my desk in class and make me and my desk fall to get me in trouble and to be mean. Those same girls, chasing me after school to try to beat me up. Me running as fast as I could to get away and them on my heels chasing me.
I honestly never figured out why people were so mean to me. Other than I was really poor? Maybe that’s why? I wore handmade clothes that my mom sewed. I was a dork.
And then there was my mom. One of the worst moms in the entire world. A woman who never cared about herself, much less ME. Went through men like crazy. Was married several times, not married to my dad, and on welfare all our lives. She just never had any ambition to make life better.
When I was a teen, she asked me to commit suicide with her. Said she’d kill me by giving me a needle full of insulin and then kill herself once I was dead.
I cannot even begin, tears, to tell you, how much I hated her. And when she died, unlike other loving daughters, I felt bad and people didn’t understand, why I was happy she was gone. Tears. No longer did I have to deal with all the pain and torture, the manipulations, the emotional and spiritual and physical abuse.
God Uses the Weak
As a kid, until I was 18 years old, my mom physically beat me severely.
She was broken and frustrated in life and I always was the one who seemed to get in her way. I learned to stay away from her. I learned to live my life in my bedroom, where I was mostly safe (out of sight, out of mind, right?)
I had a really terrible childhood. My mom didn’t love me. That was clear. The kids at school, for whatever reason I do not know, hated me.
So when I met my ex-husband, I just wanted to get away from it all. We got married, and very soon after, I found out he was worse than my mom.
He was into p*rn, I hadn’t known, and him being involved in that, destroyed us. It destroys relationships. The mind cannot differentiate between images that are fake and real acts, which is why God says that a man who looks at a woman with lust in his heart, has committed adultery (Matthew 5:28).
Very soon after we got married, I found over 500 p*rn videos stuffed all through out the house in the vents and I’m talking really bad p*rn. I didn’t know what the videos were, they were not labeled, so I watched all of 5 seconds before figuring it out.
He had stolen my mom’s social security number, ordered a new credit card under her name, and charged it up to the max with porn and electronics (like a VHS video machine to watch the porn). Things became real when the police showed up at the door!
I was mortified to have found out about his crimes. Illegal crimes.
As the police stood there to arrest ME for HIS crimes, for something I didn’t even KNOW he was doing, the merciful police officer allowed me to call my mom, who stopped the charges against my ex-husband right then and there.
Because we were married, I was responsible too. Didn’t matter that I didn’t know about what he did or not, they would have taken ME to jail too! Thankfully, by the grace of God, I was never arrested, but that scared me out of my MIND!
That was when everything got bad. But my ex-husband said he changed and he did for a while (still doing the porn, but being better at other things). We slept in different rooms for about a year and lived our lives from then on as roommates more than anything else (his words; not mine).
It was several years later that he left. When he did, the legalistic church that I had been a member of for years, said it was MY fault he left. If only I was…a better wife, gave him more of the things he wanted (dirty stuff that I was NOT okay with!!!)
It was ALL. MY. FAULT! I made him leave. Because I wasn’t a good enough wife, they said. So after a while, when he had his fill with the other woman, and he came back, they encouraged me to get back with him. He, yet again, played the, “I changed” card. I listened to them; wanting to put my marriage back together.
We moved, and after we moved, he started having another affair, with another woman who was also married, that he worked with.
Eventually, he’d end up physically abusing me, and I’d pack the kids and me into the car (whatever I could fit quickly) and left to get safe. While I was packing, I had a local Pastor come over and watch my ex-husband to make sure I could get out safely, away from the abuse.
I ended up in a homeless shelter, I had nowhere to go and through their direction, placed a restraining order against him, to keep us safe.
He broke the restraining order and ended up in jail. A month later, he got in a physical fight with the other girl and ended up in jail from her as well.
Around that time, I was just starting to get my life back together. I had an apartment and I started reselling things to make money. I was making $700/month, just barely enough to cover bills there in Oregon and doing okay. Getting by.
Thinking I was Christian all my life, got baptized when I was 8, etc. I came to realize that I WASN’T saved through a tract by John MacArthur (which is now online, free to read here).
As I read the tract, I realized, I wasn’t Christian. And I was devastated. I lost my husband, my whole life, and now I wasn’t Christian!
What more could be wrong?!
I was just utterly destroyed.
I started praying, Lord, what’s so different from other Christians then me? Why am I NOT Christian?! I went to church every Sunday. I was a member of a church. I got baptized a couple times in my life. What was it then? If it wasn’t THAT which saves you, what WAS IT?
Through prayer, I realized that I wasn’t saved because I didn’t put God FIRST.
See Satan and his demons believe God exists and shutter. They know. They see. So it’s not JUST believing Christ exists, or Satan himself would be saved too!
No, it’s MORE.
So, is it baptism? You get baptized and you’re good? No.
It’s about counting the cost and obeying God no matter what.
It’s letting HIM drive the car instead of you driving it and He’s a passenger. HE leads, you follow. HE’S in charge.
I didn’t have that. Yes, I had accepted the free gift of salvation He gave, but on my OWN terms. I didn’t let HIM lead. He wasn’t ruler of my life. I wasn’t seeking to obey Him. I wanted to do whatever I wanted.
And it was there that I gave my life to God. It was there, in that first apartment that I bowed my knees to Christ. He was ruler of my life now. Fully and completely. I’d do whatever He asked me to do.
I didn’t know what that entailed. I didn’t know His plan for me, but I started reading the Bible. I started investing in my relationship with Him daily, as much as I possibly could in the day.
Immediately He started teaching me examples on how to save money. I had never known how before. I was in over $30k+ worth of debt at that time. But He personally, through convictions, through trial and error, through Scripture and sermons, taught me. I was making money on ebay, as I had before, paying my bills, and just following Him.
Then my ex-husband showed up at my door and wanted to get back together. “I’m a changed man”, he said, yet again. And after what the church had said, how it was MY fault he left, I figured, I’ll take him back and this time, things will be different. Because while I can’t change HIM, I CAN change ME! I’m Christian now. It’ll be fine….right?
We got back together and moved, yet again (30+ times total in 14 years of marriage- he just was never happy or satisfied, always looking at the “grass is greener on the other side” mentality).
But…he left again. No surprise. This time I was expecting it. This time, I knew the signs!
This time, I had stocked secret money onto bills and got a bunch of expensive furniture cheap so if he left, I’d have money on bills extra for several months and furniture I could sell quick to survive. And I did.
I was okay financially. I was already reselling and doing well with it, so I just upped my game in that area to make more. I was okay. Month by month, I was okay. This time, I was saved! God had my back! <3
And, as you can guess, he came back again with the whole, “I changed” speech (something my kids make fun of him for, because he still pulls that with them and they know his words are not worth anything).
The Pastor of my new church where I live now told me to go back with him. They said that they felt he was genuine, but in my gut, I knew he wasn’t sincere. I submitted to the church (they are my protection), but in my mind, I knew that the Pastor’s discernment was not good. He couldn’t see through my ex-husband’s games. A Pastor without discernment is not a great leader. He will lead you into areas you should not go.
But you guessed it. He left again and they were wrong.
So, after my ex-husband left AGAIN and started a divorce, as you can imagine, by this time I was done. No more chances. I’m done! No more ring around the roses. No more. I had it. I don’t care WHAT Pastor told me to take him back, NO! I was done. For good. And we divorced.
In the midst of my divorce, I was doing well financially. I certainly didn’t need more money. I actually was making a lot, $18k/year at the time and my bills were all paid and believe it or not, I had money left over. 🙂 I used my saving money skills God Himself taught me, and I was living quite rich on what the world calls little.
Friends in my church started asking me how I had all I had. They knew I was poor. They said I had more than THEM and they were making $60k/year. How was I doing this on only $18k/year?!
Well, because God taught me how to save. 😊
In the midst of that I kept praying for God to use me. Selling toys on ebay was a living and it was fun, but it didn’t HELP anyone. I wasn’t SERVING. It didn’t help the world. I wanted so desperately to be used by God. The number 1 person in the entire world who was there for me.
Who never left me.
God convicted me to start a blog. I had no clue what a blog was at the time, nor did I know anyone who was a blogger. There wasn’t blogging information online like there is now. It was something we had to figure out on our own, and little by little, I did.
But not one single person supported me in this endeavor I felt called by God. My mom said to get a real job, I was only fooling myself. My Pastor said I was being irresponsible to my kids for not providing them a “stable income”.
The judge in my divorce said that I was risking losing everything in the divorce by not getting a traditional job outside the home.
But I couldn’t. I HAD to obey God. I promised. And I wanted to be with my kids. They already lost their father, I wasn’t going to let them lose ME TOO!
Friends mocked me. No one believed in me. And it was at that time, I had a major decision to make. Would I yet again, listen to the people, or this time, would I trust whole-heartedly in Christ, even though I didn’t have a clue what I was doing or where He was taking me.
I chose to listen to God!
And that’s the first thing I want to tell you today. No matter how well-intended people are, and most were with the exception of a couple jealous friends trying to sabotage and hurt me, NO ONE can take the place of God.
Not your husband.
Not your kids.
Not your Pastor.
Not your family.
If God asks you to do something, whether you understand it or not, you have to do it, and if you’re not willing to do it, you have to really examine if you’re Christian at all. God doesn’t let you NOT obey Him!
Yes, we have free will, and at the same time, Job 42:2 is absolutely true: “I know that You can do all things, And that no purpose of Yours can be thwarted.”
So I went on to obey the Lord and He blessed me financially. You see my income. I make millions of dollars per year now as a blogger just six years later. Even my first year blogging, I started making $10k/month toward the end of the year.
God was blessing and He has blessed me to no end financially. I have my dream house. I have my beautiful kids. I get to serve the world and help you guys make money from home and constantly remind you to look to God’s grace as the driving force in your life, as we ALL need to be constantly reminded. 😊
But in the past few years, Christ would do more than all that!
“What’s more than millions of dollars?” you say. Someone to share your life with. Someone equally called by God for a future He intends.
And I found him. Or rather, when I was NOT looking (because I had determined in my heart after the whole ex-husband thing I would NEVER get married again!!! No way, no how!), God plopped him on my lap. GOD brought him to me and pretty quickly, we knew it was of God.
God convicted me that He redeemed me. And this is what God wants YOU to know today as you read this very true story.
God redeemed me, tears.
Listen, ALL MY LIFE, I was a dork, I was unwanted, unloved, I was a nobody. My dads didn’t love me. My mom wanted to murder me. Kids made fun of me.
Since birth, I have been that person that no one cared about. I was rejected by the world. Rejected by my ex-husband. Rejected by friends.
I was a nobody. And here it is now, that God MADE ME a somebody.
I teach millions of people. I influence a LOT of women. And in praying for help in doing this (serving the world), God brought me a good man, an honorable man- that the world does not see as well. The world, his family, his church, they do not see how amazing he is, the jewel that he has become. They take him for granted. He is passed by and overlooked, treated like a child.
And in all of this, God redeemed us BOTH.
God has such miraculous plans for BOTH him and I, together. <3 <3 <3
We want to serve and help others. We want to grow the blog, maybe he will even start his own Shopify store or blog, only the Lord knows.
But this miracle of miracles, that God has provided me help to serve you, someone who loves me fully, in my good and my bad times, and I’ve had my share of bad times, lemme tell you. I was hurt and he’s healed me so much of my past. And he has things he deals with too and I’m always there for him.
It’s the most beautiful friendship I’ve ever had in my entire life. He’s the most amazing man I’ve ever MET in my entire life. His heart truly shines for the Lord. And here very soon, we want to begin dating and start a life together. 🙂
I cannot believe sometimes, just how GOOD God is!
How He brought me, this weakest of girls, this girl who had no one to fight for her at all, and He redeemed me.
God saw me when no one else did, and He brought to me others (my blog, you) who would love me and now a very special man who would also!
I had nothing. I WAS nothing. And now….I am. BECAUSE He redeemed me.
He set me on a hill, so that I could tell you that He is a God of redemption.
I don’t care how BAD your situation looks, my friend, God is a God of redemption. And while things may look bad now, they will not always be.
The second I was saved, He taught me saving money, which would later become the base of my blog and now rolled into printables. Long before *I* ever knew it, He was working.
Long before I ever even wanted a husband, He was working.
Long before I ever wanted to be used to serve others, He was working.
God is always working for you. Even when we can’t see it, He is.
He uses the inadequate people, the weak people and makes them GREAT to show the world it’s HIS mighty strength, not theirs.
Look at Gideon. He was the youngest of the weakest tribe.
Look at Abraham. He was old. Sarah was beyond child bearing years.
Look at David. He was very young when he killed Goliath.
Look at Moses. He couldn’t talk.
And there’s so many more.
“Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.
Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called children of God.
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.” – Matthew verse 5:3-12
So if you’re suffering today, or you think you’re inadequate to be used by our gracious Heavenly Father, GOOD!
He can’t use the proud!!!
He can’t use the gifted!!!
He uses people like me and you, the weak, the rejected, the fatherless, the orphan, the widow.
If you ever wonder to yourself if God is there, He is. My loved ones, He’s always there. HE NEVER leaves us! HE never abandons us. HE calls us according to what we will become, not what we are now. It’s our responsibility to go. To be used. To say, “YES”.
When I gave my life to Him, I had no idea I’d end up HERE, and I know this is not even the half of where He will take me and my best friend. We will do great things, together, because the Lord Jesus Christ lives in us and He’s redeemed us BOTH!
No one else HAS TO believe in you.
Certainly no one did for me. But the God who created the whole universe believed in me. And HE WAS RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Everyone else was wrong about me because they only saw MY power and not God’s!
“I can do all things through Him who strengthens me”. – Philippians 4:13 quote
Let the world know, these are my qualifications for being used by the Lord in such a miraculous way:
- I was homeless
- I am weak
- I have no family
- My friends rejected me
- My church believed a lie about me
- My mom tried to murder me
- I was mocked, persecuted, and blamed for things I never did
- I was abandoned time and time again
- and so much more!
“And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.” – 2 Corinthians 12:9
Praise the Lord, my God has redeemed me.
He has given me truly GOOD things, because He loves me and because I obey Him, whatever the cost.
If He can do such miraculous things for ME, a nobody, someone everyone rejected, how much MORE can He do for YOU!!!!!!!!!!
Be encouraged. The Lord can do great things.