“I know that it is wrong but I feel like if I pass then NO ONE WILL MISS ME. How do I deal with that? I know that I should not complain but how do I cope with those that think they are better than me, I get it from my children and my own family so why keep trying?”
Awww, my heart just completely breaks when I hear these words. I think mostly because I’ve been there.
As a single mom, it’s just me and the kids. I don’t have parents (they are deceased), my church abandoned me, friends abandoned me, and it can get kinda lonely sometimes.
Have you ever felt all alone even WHEN you’re living with someone?
Like they don’t get you, don’t see you, don’t care about you? That if you died, they wouldn’t even miss you?
Sometimes I’ve felt, as a parent, that to my kids I’m just a meal ticket. Somewhere to live. They don’t appreciate me at all, all the things I do for them.
On holidays, even Mother’s Day, no presents are given to me. No one even recognizes the day and I get it, they are little, but…motherhood can be one of the most underappreciated jobs in the world.
Would they even notice if I were gone? Would they even care?
Related: He Forgot My Birthday And I Feel So Hurt
The people around us can hurt us, by a lack of paying attention. By a lack of loving on us and that stinks. If you’re in that situation, you’re not alone. I’ve felt like that too and I know others have as well.
So what do you do? How do you move past all the hurt feelings and thinking that, “If I die no one would miss me“. Let’s dive right in!
If I Die No One Would Miss Me
The first thing I want to start with is this part in the audience member’s message, “how do I cope with those that think they are better than me, I get it from my children and my own family so why keep trying?”
I think that can be so common. So many people, even Christians, have this air about them that they think they are better than other people. They lack compassion and tender love toward those around them, even family.
Maybe they don’t see the changes THEY want to see quick enough and so they tend to just toss to the side anyone who doesn’t act or believe like them and it’s a shame.
Yes, we are all called to be better Christians, to strive and do what is good and right before a righteous and holy God, but there is also compassion that we need for others.
People are hurting and condemning others with our words and actions, doesn’t help. It just makes the person feel bad and want to give up.
Jesus never leads like this. He leads by example. He leads with encouraging others. He DOES confront sin, He never shrinks back from it, He tells the truth, exactly how it is, but with love and compassion, not in an oppressive or demeaning way.
God never throws us away. He doesn’t give up on us or turn His back on us. He never forsakes us (Hebrews 13:5). He’s always there, with an outstretched hand, wanting, willing, and waiting for the person to come to Him and do what is right.
Are we not supposed to be like Jesus? Then if we are, why are we all so quick to throw others away? We don’t have time to “mess” around helping them? Isn’t that what we are called to do, as believers? To bear the burdens of others, to rejoice with them when they rejoice (Romans 12:15). To come alongside people and invest in their spiritual walks?
If someone is in open sin and they are not listening, they are willfully disobedient and refuse to obey, there are steps to take as per Matthew 18:15-20, for sure. We are not to condone sin or be involved with people who don’t have a willingness to stop sinning. But if the person is TRYING, how can we throw them away?
God doesn’t throw away those who are trying. He doesn’t walk away from them. He works with them. He refines them. He teaches them. He grows them.
My biggest advice here, dear loved one, is to KEEP TRYING.
It does not matter if your family or friends see you’re trying or not. You know your heart. God knows your heart. Keep trying. Because the second you DO stop trying, is the second you put yourself at risk of God leaving.
The Bible talks about how they would not change or acknowledge Him in Romans 1:24-28 and so He gave them over.
Again in Psalm 81:11-12 it talks about how the Israelites would not submit to God so He gave them over to their stubborn hearts.
In Romans 1:18-32, Paul shows how people chose to reject God and how it was a spiral of disobedience for them. God was a part of their life less and less as a result of the choices they were making.
Ultimately, sometimes, God gives us what we want. If we want to walk away from Him, He lets us. If we want to sin, He lets us. He never forces us to live a godly life. He doesn’t force us to obey Him. He calls us to. He wants us to WANT to obey Him, but He never forces us.
So my biggest thing to you is to say, don’t give up. Don’t walk away. Don’t stop trying. Because giving up is not what God wants.
Secondly, you answer to God, not others. If others are thinking they are better than you, let them. You cannot control what others think, do, or say. All you can do is YOUR best before YOUR living God. HE alone judges you, not them, and He alone says whether you are guilty or innocent. It’s only for Him to decide.
Have you prayed about that? Asking Him if what they are saying about you is true or false? Let GOD tell you whether they are correct or not.
Sometimes, others can see in us sin that we cannot see and sometimes they are right. Yet other times, others don’t see the whole picture, they can’t see our hearts and so they don’t see everything. They cannot see how hard we are trying or that we are right in a situation. But God sees the heart and He alone knows. So let Him tell you whether or not there is any truth to what they are saying to you.
He is your judge. He is your Father. He is your maker. He alone decides, not anyone else. What does HE say?
If He says that they are wrong, then have peace about that, knowing that you cannot change other people or what they think. But you just continue doing what you’re supposed to be doing in the Lord and for His name and focus on Him alone. Keep your thoughts on Him and His will. Colossians 3:2.
If He says that they are right, then you have some work to do. Thank them for showing you the error of your ways and tell them that you’ll work on it fervently. Repent to God and tell Him that you’ll work on it too, asking Him to help you and then get to work, trying to get better and become more holy.
But again, only God knows the truth of your heart. Let Him be the one to tell you. 🥰
After you have that settled in your heart, I think it’s important to tackle how you feel about no one missing you if you were to die.
Your feeling like that signifies that you think your life has no value. You feel like you’re not worth anything, there’s no contribution you have to the world or to those around you that makes a difference.
This is a somewhat easy fix…
First, pray that God use you. He will use you. You were created for His glory, a masterpiece (Ephesians 2:10). You were created in His image (Genesis 1:27). You were knit together in your mother’s womb (Psalm 139:13). He took great care to create you. He doesn’t make mistakes (Psalm 18:30) and He WANTED to create YOU.
You have value to HIM! Your life has value, you were created for a good purpose, even if you can’t see it right now.
Trust the Scriptures. Trust that what He says is true. Believe His Word. He loves you and you are important and valuable to Him.
More than that, I would say that you are more important to Him than others right now (in the sense that He is closer to you and spending more time with you. He cares for your pain more deeply right now, although I say clearly, He is perfect and has perfect and ample time for everyone). How do I know that? Because of the Beatitudes:
‘“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.’
You’re mourning, so you WILL be comforted by Christ.
Psalm 34:18 says, “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”
You’re feeling crushed in spirit, so the Lord is extra near to you and saves you out of it. You won’t feel like this forever. You won’t stay here. It’s just a temporary feeling you have. You won’t live here and take up residency. He will be with you through it all.
It’s as simple as that. Find somewhere to serve and serve. Make yourself feel useful. I know that for me, I do NOT feel useful at all in my life unless I’m serving. So I strive as much as possible to find ways to serve. There are many ways you can serve. Find something that works for you and serve. When you do, you’ll FEEL more useful, more valuable.
Last I would say that you need to be around people. More people and different people than you are around right now. If your family is making you feel like they are better than you, get around different people who will love and cherish you for who you are right now.
We ALL grow at different speeds in our Christian walk and GOD is in charge of what speed we grow. Yes, we can help move things along by different practices we put into place, such as reading our Bible, learning, listening to sermons, making our lives all about Jesus, but the growth speed in which we grow at, is ultimately in His sovereign control.
One person grows faster, another grows slower and God is in full control of that speed.
How do I know that? Because I have a tendency to want to grow too fast and He will slow me down. Make me sit for a little bit until the proper time. Yet other times, I’ll be resting, going too slow and He “bangs the drums” at me, saying, “RUN!” 😂 He controls all time and His timing is perfect. Ecclesiastes 3:1.
He has plans for your life. Good plans (Jeremiah 29:11)! And He cares about you SOOO very much.
You may be feeling worthless, like your life doesn’t matter but it does. He is there with you, close to you, and He cares. He wants to use you. He wants you to be the most godly woman you can be, for His glory. He wants you to experience love and acceptance and freedom, but first, we must find that love and acceptance in HIM, not in other people. ❤️