Proverbs chapter 21 verse 9 says, “It is better to live in a corner of a roof than in a house shared with a contentious woman.“
It’s pretty hard hitting right? We wouldn’t think of ourselves as contentious and yet, so often we are. We just fight for our rights. Fight for our way. Shoot sometimes, we don’t even know WHY we’re fighting.
We just get carried away by our emotions, and women generally have stronger emotions than men. That is how God made us, but we can’t let them overtake us. We cannot allow our personal ‘win’ to become more important than living in peace.
Romans 12:18, calls us to live in peace. “If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men.”
So, when your husband comes home from a hard days’ work and all he wants to do is fight and bicker, should you join in this ungodly banter?
Romans 12:18 says no.
1 Peter 3:9 was one that really got me through a lot of days living with an unsaved man back when I was married (before he abandoned us).
It says, “To sum up, all of you be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit; not returning evil for evil or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing.”
So, if he’s fighting, we shouldn’t be.
If he’s spilling out all kinds of evil, all kinds of quarrels, we should not be.
How can we, as women, NOT fight, though?
Whether you are arguing with your spouse or arguing with your kids, there is no point to it.
Do you think that you will, by your cunning ability, change your husband’s heart in the heat of battle?
Do you think that he will think more highly of you when you argue with him? There is a right and wrong way to be submissive to our husbands. We are to respect him, and submit to him (not sin or do anything evil or bad) but we can also, gently and in love, tell him how we are feeling.
It’s okay to voice your opinion. It’s okay to voice how you think he’s not following the Word of God, but there’s a right way of doing it. A quarrel is NEVER the right way.
If you must…leave the room. If you must…hold your tongue, put on a smile and pray immediately. Even if you do not FEEL like you want to obey God’s Word, you FEEL like you want to fight back, if you are Christian, God has equipped you with enough courage, strength, and might to do the right thing.
Walk away in the moment if you have to. Tell him matter-of-factly that you do not wish to argue. That you’d like to discuss it later, when you both have calmed down. Do not withhold the joy from him in the meantime, the affection because you’re reaming inside.
There’s no reason to put on a show or pretend and be fake, but there is also a genuineness of respecting him AS your husband, to love him. Love is not a feeling, my friend, but a choice. You must control your emotions.
Ask God to help you show love to your spouse, even in that moment when he seems the most unloving.
Repeat after me…being a godly wife is worth more than rubies.
Keep your focus on who God wants you to be.
He wants you to be a ruby.
He wants to help you become a ruby.
He equips us to be rubies.
I don’t know about you, but even if your husband totally sucks, you still need to be godly. And I get it. Like, really. I had the worst husband EV-er ((an unsaved man (I was saved after we got married) who hated me because of my faith, abandoned our family several times with several different women, physically abused me, and left me homeless)).
But I had to learn to be a godly wife so that GOD would consider ME a ruby…wow, that is just powerful stuff!
Do you want to be a ruby or a rock?
If a ruby, wonderful.
It will take a lot of hard work, but you can do it. Again, God equips us with everything we need.
Stay in prayer, walk in the Spirit, and love in faith.