Sometimes when I talk to other bloggers, they will tell me how frustrated they are. “It feels like I’ve tried everything,” they say, “but nothing works. Nothing makes a huge difference.” They feel like they are spinning their wheels into a brick wall constantly.
I remember when my ex-husband first abandoned our family and started the divorce. I loved him and of course, I wanted our marriage to work. And then I’d find out about the-affair-of-the-week and think he was a total scumbag. My emotions were all over the place.
It felt like I was on a roller coaster and the worst part, is that I couldn’t get off. It was up and down, up and down all the time. I was sad and grieving for our divorce. I was happy I was finally free of many different types of abuses. Free of all the things I hated about him. And sad that we were married for 14 years and it ended (he started the divorce). I lost my best friend.
Every day, sometimes every minute, it seemed like I’d have a different emotion and I didn’t know how to stop it. The answer for me was time. Lots of time, prayer, and going to one source, the Bible. In the Bible, I found answers. In the Bible, I found hope. There is life after divorce. It just takes time to heal.
It’s very much the same way in blogging.
Stop Dating Other Blogs
You want to learn everything you can about blogging, so you read every article published by every person. You watch video after video, sign up for webinar after webinar. Maybe you even go to conferences, but nothing sticks. You have all this random information by a hundred different people and don’t know what to do with it. It sounds good, so you try this and that or the other. But there’s no process. Nothing you do is streamlined. It’s all just running.
Do you ever feel like that? Like you’re running as hard as you can in blogging and you’ll just never get where you want to be?
Today, I want to give you hope.
Every single blogger goes through this from time to time! Those top bloggers that you love and like to follow have the same insecurities and fears that you do. In the slow months, we all still feel like a failure, even bloggers who are making 6 and 7 figures a year. It doesn’t matter how big you get, you’ll always have fears in certain areas.
If you’re like me, you attach your self worth to your blog. This is a horrible mistake and something I’m trying so hard to work on. When my numbers and income are up, I’m this confident woman feeling like I’m on top of the world, but when I have a slower month, I feel like a complete loser. I’m ashamed of my traffic, even though, in all honesty, I should be proud.
You’ll always feel like you’re on that roller coaster if you are following everything that everyone writes on blogging, because the truth is…there’s a lot of fakers out there. They pretend like they are awesome, but when you get the real story, they really don’t have better stats than you. Yet, you think they are like God and you’re a failure. Why do we do that to ourselves? Why do we idolize other bloggers like they are so successful and when we think about ourselves, it’s not all that great.
I think of two of my good friends, who always tell me that it’s not about numbers or stats.
Somewhere along the lines, I started to believe them.
It’s really not.
You HAVE TO STOP dating other blogs. Going around reading everything by everyone, watching all these videos that are wasting your time.
Here’s what to do instead….
Pick your favorite blogger, just one.
The one that speaks to you the most, the one that you connect with the most, the one that you want to be like the most. Then stalk that person. Find out what they are doing that you’re not. Maybe they excel at Pinterest, watch their numbers, watch what they are pinning. Maybe they have a fantastic design, get a better design. Just study them. Study their habits, what they do, where they hang out, and how they act. Do this for 3-6 months. Once you have gleaned all the information you can (NOT, I REPEAT NOT COPYING THEM, but gleaning ideas from them) move onto the next.
Make a list of the top 5 bloggers you want to do this with. I like to make a list of 10 personally in the lifestyle niche. I study the person who is closest to me in traffic but has more. Once, I’ve gleaned ideas from them and have a sense of what exactly makes them successful, I move on to the next. Up and up and up the ladder I go until I reach the top.
One of the bloggers I watch is like a Pinterest queen. She’s amazing, and I did everything she said to do and it never worked for me. Little by little, I started trying things on my own and when the dust settled, I now get a lot more traffic and followers than she does. Pinch me! I’m STILL in shock because she’s just so amazing!
I study, I compare what other bloggers are doing. I’m fully committed to blogging for a long period of time. At this point, I’m pretty familiar with all the habits of the 10 blogs I watch, so that when they do something different, I notice.
Bloggers who are doing something different are the true leaders. THAT’S why they have the traffic they do.
People don’t follow followers….they follow leaders. So, be a leader.
Did you get that?
It’s worth repeating. People don’t follow followers…they follow leaders. So, be a leader!!!
There comes a point in your blog where you have to stop dating other blogs. Stop looking at what they are doing. Stop looking what anyone else is doing and just do things YOU think will be successful for your OWN audience.
For a long time now, I’ve been completely engulfed in Pinterest. I love it. When I feel myself start to plateau, I start trying new things. This week, I stumbled across something that may just change a lot for me on Pinterest…make me even more successful. I’m still testing out my theory, but I feel like I’m on to something…AGAIN.
If you don’t get anything out of this post, please listen to this most important thing. You will never get anywhere skating on the coat tails of another blogger. You absolutely MUST do the work yourself. Yes, get coaching help, but from ONE person at a time, not 100. Stop dating around and just date ONE person. Get in there, do the work, and think of ways you can make your blog more successful. Really THINK about ideas.
When you’re busy watching video’s, looking at what everyone else is doing, reading every article on blogging, you’re getting a whole roller coaster full of ideas by some people who really may not know about blogging. Following one person at a time will weed out the fakes. I still remember the first time I was crushed to find out one of the bloggers I felt was a top blogger, really had poor scores and skates around on other people’s ideas and work. Don’t let yourself be deceived and tricked. Look at their Alexa scores, their social media engagement and stats, look at their traffic, look at what they do behind the scenes.
Successful blogging is…half the time figuring things out yourself. Because honestly, unless it’s personalized coaching, the top bloggers aren’t going to give out the true secrets no matter how good their courses or articles are and even if they do give you gold, because it’s not personalized to your blog, it STILL may not work.
Every person’s blog is like a hand print. Completely different and unique. Same with our kids. We try to parent them the best we can, but, it doesn’t matter. One will respond to something differently than another. One will be a tattle-tale, the other a mischievous one. They are different. So is your blog. You CANNOT look around for everyone else to give you the answers you need. You have to get in there and do it yourself.
My challenge to you this week, is to find ONE blogger that you completely relate to, a blogger that IS where you want to go, and then REALLY get to know them. Stop dating around and commit! Commit to finding out what they do that makes them so successful, what they do that’s so different than what you do, and most importantly, commit to finding out what makes YOU unique and then make your blog about that.
I’ll say it a third time, so it can really sink in…people don’t follow followers. They follow leaders, so be a leader!