So much has been going on the past couple weeks, so let me catch you up. 😊
A LOT of people are asking how the new place is going! You guys are so sweet to have such concern for me. It’s so amazing to see. ❤️ It’s going great. I’m traveling and really enjoying living in different cities and states.
It’s been a pretty wild ride the last couple weeks! I reconnected with someone I used to know.
He’s a really godly man, seeks the Lord in all things, and I’ve known him well over 10 years now (off and on talking). He graduated from the Master’s Seminary and is super knowledgeable on Scripture.
He told me that he’s read every single blog post I’ve ever created! 😮😮😮 WOW! The boy has DEFINITELY done his research and I know him to always make well-educated, incredibly godly decisions.
I would love prayer in that regard for God to show us both what He wills to happen and for us to continue to line our hearts and desires up to obeying it, whatever He asks.
If God wants a relationship to happen, to start, He will work everything out (and I hope He does). 😉
Questions:
- You mention here (in #4) how God was training the Israelites to be a community. Can you go into that more of how?
- In this post (#8), you mention how God shepherds His people and how effective ministry leaders are to shepherd the people also. Can you go into more detail of that idea? What is shepherding the people? How do we shepherd others? How does God do it with us? What are some examples?
- Do you miss being married?
- I’m a single mom and my son has severe separation anxiety. How do I handle this?
- How do I tell a girl I’m sorry for cheating to make sure she knows I really am? To apologize in a way she understands that I’m sorry. There are male to female differences and I wanna get it right.
Questions and Answers – Session 4
Lots of great questions and I’m happy to answer each and every one of them! 🥰
1) You mention here (in #4) how God was training the Israelites to be a community. Can you go into that more of how?
Absolutely. Yes, I said, “We were created to be a community. In fact, when the Israelites were NOT acting like a community, God led them in the wilderness to start working together as a community. Their first testing/trial was at Marah. The well water was bitter, not drinkable. Shortly after was another test having to do with water. They were constantly trained to become a community and to think and care about others.”
It starts with God saving the Israelites out of Egypt with all the plagues. God parts the Red Sea, they have seen so many miraculous things at this point. They’ve SEEN, first hand, His POWER and strength and have no reason to doubt.
Yet when they get to the Promised Land right away, they send scouts and some of the scouts make the Israelites afraid to take over the land, stating that the people are giants (Numbers 13:32-33). Joshua and Caleb want to take the land God promised them, but the others didn’t and they were split. The Israelites as a whole decided NOT to obey God.
So, God led them into the wilderness for 40 years because of their sin to humble them and to test them (Deuteronomy 8:2). The sin was pretty major (rebels will be purged, exiled – Ezekiel 20:38), everyone died, even Moses. Moses got to see the Promised Land from a distance, but he never actually got to enter it. The only ones who didn’t die and got to go into the Promised Land after the 40 years of punishment were Joshua and Caleb, who originally wanted to go in and overtake it in the first place.
It’s during that 40 year stretch of history that God is teaching the Israelites to become a community and to grow them in their faith.
There were many trials that taught them how to be a community. The first was the trial of Marah. They came to the well and the water was not good. It was bitter. They say they named the place Marah, which means bitter, because of the water, but I also suspect it’s because the hearts of the people were bitter also. They complained and cried out to God in their sin, a lack of faith for God to provide. Exodus 15:22-24.
Moses ended up throwing the stick in the water and the water became fresh and they were able to drink (Exodus 15:25).
The second testing was also a well. There were around a million Israelites, so imagine coming upon a well and you have to give water to all the people, their animals, etc. Is there going to be enough water to go around? How do you decide who goes first? Who goes last? Do you send the aged first? Do you have women drink first? Children? How do you decide?
It was a testing of acting like a community, working together in order to meet the needs of the massive amount of people.
Another testing comes to mind is in Exodus 17:8-16, when the Israelites were complaining and God allowed some (the groups of people falling behind toward the rear) to get caught by the Amalekites. The Israelites started to war against the Amalekites to save their people (working as a community), but they couldn’t do it by themselves.
God had Moses raise the staff and when it was raised over his head, in that fight, the Isrelites were winning. But Moses (being an aged man at that point), his arms got tired and when he lowered them, the Israelites started LOSING the battle.
So, Aaron and Hur came along (working as a community) to hold UP Moses’ arms until the battle was won. So not only did they need Moses, but also others within the community, all working as a team, to win the battle.
After that, you almost wonder to yourself, if they moved up that weaker tribe to the middle of the group to protect them more, instead of letting them trail at the back. It’s about working as a team for the glory of God.
Even when they GOT TO the Promised Land, it was STILL all about community. Each piece of land is in long rows on the side of the hills (think: a very wide set of stairs). So, you have one row at the top and let’s say they don’t work their land or keep it up with rocks and keeping it stable, then when a heavy rain comes, it will wash their row AND the rows below them.
So you have landowners coming from rows of land below you who are helping you stabilize YOUR row because it affects THEM. One person not doing their job, can affect 5-10 other rows of land.
You also have where some rows had olives and others figs, pomegranates, grapes, etc. and they had to trade. Not every row, had EVERY type of food, so there was trading going on and a working together to accomplish food and stabilizing the land.
It was always about leading and growing them into a community, working together instead of being selfish and thinking only of themselves and their own family.
2) In this post (#8), you mention how God shepherds His people and how effective ministry leaders are to shepherd the people also. Can you go into more detail of that idea? What is shepherding the people? How do we shepherd others? How does God do it with us? What are some examples?
Absolutely! So, the first thing we want to understand is that sheep are dumb. They are some of the dumbest animals ever created. They need a leader because without one, they often get themselves in trouble.
They wander off from the herd (Isaiah 53:6), looking for water, etc. and they just don’t have those skills to be able to find it. They basically have to be shown what to do, where to go.
In fact, do you know how they slaughter sheep?
Isaiah 53:7…
They have a bunch of males in a line in a pen and a female sheep comes out and leads one male sheep at a time up the line and into a room. The female sheep is taught to lead the male sheep into that room and leave him in the room. Once she’s out of the room, they slaughter the male sheep. The female sheep goes around and gets another male sheep, leads him into the slaughter room, leaves, and does this over and over until all sheep are slaughtered.
It’s a great picture of a harlot, don’t you think? Proverbs 14:12. It’s why men knowing Proverbs 31 inside and out is SOOOO vitally important. There are SO many, even subtle harlots, in the world. I saw a subtle one destroy a man this week as I’m writing this. He fell for it, his flesh was weak, and she got him. SOOO many stories of women doing that to men and ruining men’s lives because of it.
So when we talk about sheep, we need to know that they are not the brightest animal and we need to be studying out Scripture how it was written and not plugging their words into OUR culture and context, but plugging their words into THEIR culture and context in order to understand it properly.
God is saying, “Look, you need to be led. You’re constantly doing dumb stuff and without a GOOD shepherd (not a bad shepherd: Ezekiel 34:1-10), you WILL die.”
Sheep get rocks stuck in their hooves and can’t walk. Therefore, can’t eat, so they die. They can’t outrun their predators (think: wolves).
God has to lead us, He has to keep us safe, He has to be good (not like the subtle harlot who brings men to their deaths), and we have to listen to our Master. We can’t navigate this world without Him. 💯 We can’t find food or do anything. We NEED Him.
And yet so many people think they can do “life” on their own and end up in bad situations with bad problems. We have to constantly, daily, minute by minute look to our Heavenly Father to lead and guide us down the right path, fleeing the temptation of wanting to do things our own way, which started in the Garden of Eden.
In Genesis 3:6, Eve ate the apple and then gave some to her husband. Like a fool, Adam ate too. It wasn’t just Eve being foolish, Adam was too. He should have said no! Just because our spouse sins, does NOT mean we have to also!!
When we turn our back on God when He doesn’t do what WE want Him to do, or we go off in our own way in rebellion and do whatever we want to do, we only prove that we’re in it for the wrong reasons to start with. We have to be willing to follow and obey God, no matter what!
The second thing to know about sheep and in the Bible times and culture, in their part of the world, is that it’s NOT belly-high alfalfa.
In our culture, we think of rolling hills with tall grass everywhere, so green.
In their culture, the pasture lands for animals is away from the country. The land in the cities and countries are for people’s food, not animals.
So it’s not rolling green hills, it’s a tuft of grass here stuck in between a rock and the dirt on the side of a dry, barren mountain and another tuft over there.
You get a tuft of grass in your mouth, eat it, then take a few steps to get another tuft. You’re grazing here and there.
Idk anyone’s life who is filled full of rolling green hills, do you?
Life is HARD. It’s TOUGH. It’s NEVER easy. You may get a little rest here or there, but it’s one barrage after another of problems. Just when you’re done with one problem, you rest a couple days, there’s another one.
And yet, we have a beautiful picture of that as David pens Psalm 23:1-3.
Verse 1, I lack nothing.
DESPITE all the problems, the hardships, the heartaches, the trials and pains of this life, God is good to us and we lack nothing. He meets our needs, He shows us where to eat, what to do. He leads and guides.
Verse 2, He MAKES US lie down. We’re just dumb sheep, we don’t know when to lie down or when to stand. We don’t know what’s around the corner. Is it more grass? A desert, barren place? We don’t know. Only He does, so trusting Him is vital. Listening to Him is vital, because only He knows. He knows our needs, when we need to rest and He provides it for us. He’s good to us. He gives us a trial to grow us, then lets us rest.
It makes me think of moving here where I’m at now. There were 3 days where I was saying, “Lord, I wanna get to the new place”. But because of the snow, I couldn’t leave yet. He convicted me to rest. So, I did and you know what, I needed to rest because that drive was treacherous!! 😆
He knows what we need when we need it and provides those needs, sometimes causing us to wait or be patient when we don’t want to, causing us to lie down when we need it, knowing we need it. We don’t see that, but He does.
Verse 3, He leads us along the RIGHT paths. We don’t know where we’re going or what we’re doing. We can’t see the whole picture, the whole landscape or mountain of where we’re at. So He leads us on the RIGHT paths, not the path to the slaughter room, but with the path of His everlasting love, care, and concern for us. He leads us where He wants us to go, He gives us good things, has good plans for us. Jeremiah 29:11.
So, while we are not the brightest of animals, can’t see where we’re going, can’t protect ourselves from enemies, can’t even find food on our own, or know where to go, He does.
There’s another really interesting picture of sheep in that culture and that’s when sheep are in the pen. It’s in John 10:1-21.
The sheep are in the pen, it’s gated, and there’s a small opening where the sheep can get in and get out. They stay in the pen to protect them from wolves, predators, etc.
Oftentimes, the shepherd will sleep right there in the gateway so that he can protect from any intruders getting to the sheep and harming them, or from wandering sheep getting out.
Anyone who gets in the pen a different way (over the fence, for example), is an intruder. The sheep may hear that stranger’s voice, but they do not follow him because they do not know him. They have come to know, love, and trust their shepherd and so they follow his voice alone.
Because of that, many times, the shepherds will start out as kids and into adulthood because it’s the voice that the sheep will follow.
It’s a great picture of us knowing our Shepherd’s voice (getting to know Him, love Him, trust Him), so that we know the difference between an intruder and God. In order to do that, we must be spending massive amounts of time with our Savior.
Verse 12 is what God used to convict me never to hand over this blog to anyone else and why my future husband cannot have it. He can help work on it, but it must always remain mine.
I, alone, have run this blog for over 10 years now. I alone know your names, those who write in and yes, I remember, even over the span of years! I know my sheep. I know those in whom I diligently serve. Anyone who comes after will not know all those nuances of 10 years of hard labor to shepherd and invest in the people, and while he will be able to help (and he should based on his skills, spiritual gifts, and knowledge of the Lord), he wasn’t here all those years building it up, sacrificing for it, so it has to be mine. It is mine and no one can take that away from me. I cannot let them.
It would be like someone else coming along when your children are 10 years old, and trying to be their mom all the sudden. No one can replace YOU. All that time spent together. All those days of sacrificing, loving, cuddling. No one can take away those memories.
In the same way, GOD, and God ALONE is our Father, our Shepherd. No one can take His place (verse 18). It is HIS place. HE is the Shepherd. He is the only God.
3) Do you miss being married?
I do, yeah. I miss cooking for someone, serving someone, taking care of someone. Spending time with someone, having someone to share life with. Waking up to someone. There’s a lot of things to miss about being married as marriage is such a huge gift, 🎁 but I know that right now, God has me right where He wants me to be and in the right time, in His precious timing, things will happen for me.
We shouldn’t seek out (force) love (Song of Solomon 8:4), we should just let it happen in God’s timing so that we make sure we meet and begin a relationship with the right person. A lot of times that is just stepping back and observing what the guy you’re interested in will do and how he carries himself as a single man.
- Is he godly?
- Does he do what is right?
- Is he full of integrity and honor?
- Or does he do bad things?
Don’t just rush into things but give it a little bit to see his actions and what he does. After a month or so, you can really know if he’s right for you or not. If he is, then pray and let God handle things. 💯 Let God lead you guys together. If it is God’s will for you to be with that particular man, God will lead and guide you together. He will remove obstacles, fears, etc. He will open and close doors.
It’s really important to be with the right guy. So many men are frauds, pretending to be good but they are not, and simply observing for a couple weeks or a month FIRST how they act, will honestly save you a lifetime of regrets!
I just watched one supposedly godly man falter and fail. Obviously he’s not the right one for me and now God has brought another one for me to watch. Will see what he does. If it’s God’s will, He will make the path straight and everything will work out.
‘Till then, I try to be as content as I possibly can as a single girl, waiting upon the Lord. I do desire to be married one day, but I refuse to date the wrong guy or be with someone just to rush things. I want the RIGHT guy, the guy that will make me happy for the rest of my life. The guy that I can make happy and we will have that Ruth and Boaz marriage. ❤️
4) I’m a single mom and my son has severe separation anxiety. How do I handle this?
You have to understand that he’s been abandoned. He doesn’t have a dad and he may be at that age where he’s realizing it. “Oh, other people have a dad, I don’t. That’s not normal to not have a dad. Everyone else has a dad”, so it’s like an awareness type of thing and he’s trying to cope with it.
He might be thinking, “Well, maybe I did something to make my dad leave. What if I did? What if I make mom leave?” There could be a lot of fears there. He lost his dad and doesn’t really understand why. Will he also lose you?
So he’s “checking” with you every 5 minutes, so to speak, because he’s afraid that he might do something to make you leave; ou won’t come back then he’s all alone. It’s fear and he may not even realize it; he probably doesn’t.
The best things to do, would be to continue to tell him EVERY DAY how much you love him, that as much depends on you, you will never leave him. You promise that you’re always there for him and just continually reassure him.
Let him be clingy because if you push him away, it’s just feeding into his fear that he’s doing something to make you leave. He will think, “Why doesn’t mom want me? Why doesn’t she love me?” Just continue to REASSURE him, all through the day, “Hey I’m here, I love you, I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere, I love you.”
I think it’s more about reassurance than anything. Be clingy BACK! I know you have to work, I know you have a million things to do as a single mom and I get that, believe me! But, involve him MORE in what you do. Can you find a “job”, a task for him to do, that while you’re working, he can help? what can he do to help you more? Can he empty the dishwasher while you’re doing something?
The more helpful he feels, the more he will feel connected to you. Like you need him, you want him, he’s valuable to you. Remember that it’s just a stage right now, but an important one. He needs to feel like you’re not going to leave, so just continue to work on that. Lots of extra cuddles, go up to him without him coming to you, and say, “I love you, gimme a hug,” or “Can i cuddle with you?”
YOU go to him, you pursue him. You be more clingy to him. He probably feels the need to feel wanted. His dad doesn’t want him or he’d be there, in his mind. He left. So he’s worried you don’t love him either.
This also might be the beginning of him developing his personality and we should cultivate that, not run from it.
I am a VERY clingy person. It’s who I am. I want to always be with my future husband. I don’t want him to leave ever. I don’t want him to work outside the home. I’ve been left…my whole life. My dad’s abandoned us. My ex-husband. My church, my friends. I mean, I’ve been abandoned, so I’m clingy. I’m not ashamed of it. I LIKE that I’m clingy. I think it makes me a better person. 💯
With my future husband, I dream of just laying in bed holding each other and cuddling all day long at least one day a week. ❤️ It’s my favorite (my love language), so I understand how he could be feeling and at that age, not being able to even realize it or put it into words how he’s feeling. Is physical touch or quality time (cuddling with you, holding you, being around you, etc.) his love language? Is that how HE reads love?
I think that at certain times in our lives, everyone goes through a clingy stage. Don’t you miss/want to have a man hold you again? I know that you do. We all wanna be clingy at times. It’s not bad, or weird, or wrong! we just need that, we need to be loved. we ALL do. ❤️ He’s okay. Nothing is wrong with him. It’s normal to want to be wanted.
That’s kinda how he’s feeling. Scared, fear, scared of abandonment, needing love. Soak up that time, enjoy it, because kids grow WAY too fast and pretty soon, he’ll be gone and you’ll never get those precious, tender moments back! Enjoy the stage that he’s in, treasure it! It leaves way too quickly!
5) How do I tell a girl I’m sorry for cheating to make sure she knows I really am? To apologize in a way she understands that I’m sorry. There are male to female differences and I wanna get it right.
Be genuine.
Everything really comes down to that. If you are completely genuine with her, she will be able to recognize and see that you are sorry. If she’s a godly girl, she will pray about it and ask her Heavenly Father what to do, how to handle the situation, etc. He will show her that you mean it.
If you are genuinely sorry, it will include certain things that she will look for.
- Will you do it again?
- Can she trust you?
- Do you need further restitution?
- How can you fix the problem, not just SAY you’re sorry?
- What can you do to assure her that this won’t happen again? That you’re trying your absolute best to be a godly man?
- Is your greatest desire to not do this again? To change behavior? To stop?
- Have you fully repented to the Lord (He’s ultimately the One we sin against)?
If you are genuinely repentant and sorry, it will show. It may be that she will watch your actions for a brief time to determine if you are genuinely sorry. Just continue to be patient with her and change the behavior. If she sees there is no change in what you’re sorry for, you’re NOT really sorry and she shouldn’t let you off the hook.
Also understand that while we are called as Christians to forgive, that doesn’t mean to be stupid and let someone treat us however they want.
She should forgive you because we are commanded to. Does that mean she should stay with you? I wouldn’t. If a man cannot control his members during dating, he will not be able to control them during marriage!!
If he cheats while dating or can’t keep his wandering eyes to himself, he will just do it again during marriage. 💯
He’s not the right guy. Choose someone who can control himself. It is not impossible, for I have been without physical intimacy (as a single woman) for many, many years! It’s not easy, but it’s not impossible.
And I’m not the only one who hasn’t had sex outside of marriage! I know of a man who is nearly 30 years old (!), a single man, who has never been married. He has had one girlfriend in his life and has not done anything deplorable with her at all, but has had a godly, pure relationship with her. They are no longer together (they dated for around a year, a long time ago) and he remains to be faithful and sexually pure (never doing p*rn either).
Another man I know is in his late 40’s. He’s never had sex outside of marriage and he is in the middle of a divorce. His wife is not saved, she left him and they were married over 20 years. He is not pursuing another woman, nor is he being intimate with anyone else. He is acting in a VERY chaste manner (never does p*rn, etc.)
👉 THAT is the standard!!! 👈
THIS is what God’s will looks like in the heart and life of a believer. It’s not just me. There ARE godly (and pure) men and women out there who desire to be godly, even in secret where no one else can see! 💎
So just because she forgives you, it may be an issue of not letting you do it again to her, and in some cases, you will lose the girl (depending on what she’s willing to put up with).
How far did you go with the other girl? Did a girl flirt with you and you flirted back? Was it as simple as that or did you make out with the other girl to the point where there was no return.
So it really matters what happened also. If you were physically intimate with another girl, you’re done. She will forgive you as is called by the Lord but may never, ever let you back in her life and she shouldn’t. There are plenty of godly men out there to choose from for the godly girl and she should find someone who will treat her right. 💯
Restoration should be made, that is sure, but do not expect to get her back. You are defiled now and she shouldn’t want you if she is godly.
A relationship between a man and a woman is to be beautiful, a shining example of Christ and the church. Not some flesh-driven act you committed with a more than willing girl. A godly woman wants someone who’s never had sex outside of marriage, period.
The world can do what the world wants to do, but for a godly girl, our standards belong to God and HE says, no sex outside of marriage. That’s the standard. That’s what we do (John 14:15).
It really depends on the situation. Be completely honest, don’t try to hide anything (trust me, she’ll just find out, then you’re toast for lying) and just try to work things out if they can be worked out.
If they can’t, do everything you can to fix the situation and let her go in peace, knowing that God has someone better for her in the future and there is forgiveness for you, but you must change behavior (have you stopped being with the other girl who’s bad and FLEE from her, for example).
It really all comes down to the heart.
