We all know that marriages take work. And sometimes, that work can be extra challenging, if not impossible, when you and your spouse have different goals in life.
It can be difficult to find common ground when you’re both striving for different things or wanting to go in different directions, but it’s important to remember that you’re on the same team. You’re in this together, and you can support each other through it all.
If you’re thinking to yourself, “My husband and I have two different goals in life,” let’s get you guys on the same page!!!
My Husband and I Have Two Different Goals in Life
First and foremost, you want your whole life, both together and individually to be about God and I promise you, that GOD has a very distinct set of goals for you that you may not already know about. So the very first step is to…
Determine what God wants you to do in life
God is the decider of what we do in life. He is the WHOLE reason we are even here! If it weren’t for us witnessing to other people, living our lives for God to model Him to others, He would have just saved us and taken us up to Heaven to be with Him (ahhh, that…sounds…WONDERFUL, doesn’t it?!!!) 😍
We stay here so that we can do His kingdom work (Philippians 1:21-26). So we can lead others to Christ and live our lives out in view of others, both believers and non-believers. To run the race with endurance (Hebrews 12:1-3). We are here then, for others. NOT ourselves.
We are not here to just make a living, have a mediocre life, pay taxes, and die. Okay! ❤️
We are here to shine God’s light to the watching world.
So our goals, all of our goals as Christian believers MUST BE first and foremost to shine that light. Our lives MUST BE about HIM.
It is in THIS, we find common ground with our spouse as to what we want our lives to be like.
And shining our light to others will look DIFFERENT in each and every life, that is okay, but shine it we must. We are called to! It’s non-negotiable. 1 Peter 3:15; Mark 16:15-16, Matthew 5:16.
Since we know we are here for others and not ourselves, we can begin to decide HOW we want to shine our light into the world. That part IS up to us. 🙂
Shining your light
Shining our light to the watching world is up to us and we can do that in any way we please, but it should be agreeable with our spouses. Let me explain.
Sometimes God will give you tasks or lead you down a path to do BEFORE you are married, some goals come after you’re married. On the goals that come BEFORE you’re married, you should maintain them as much as depends on you, knowing it’s God’s will.
For example, I am a blogger. I’ve begged and begged God years ago to BE someone who is used for His glory and for His purposes and in His sovereign will, He has appointed me to be a writer and graphic designer and to help others in this way.
Through free Christian printables for churches, teachers, and moms I can help spread His light to little ones and parents through things like
- Free church bulletins (saving churches money)
- Free Sunday School, teacher, and homeschooling resources like kids activities packs
- Free planners, Bible studies, coloring pages, prayer books, etc. for moms
And through writing helpful blog posts like this, I can encourage and minister to hurting hearts as well as to edify and encourage everyone around me.
By doing these things online, I can reach a lot more people than I can in person, all at once and God can and is using it to bless many souls and encourage a nation. It’s amazing what God can do in the life of just one person and God can do anything through YOU too!!!! 🎉 IF you are willing. 🥰
With that said, I also know that God wants me to use my home to host get-togethers to teach other believers (eventually) as well. He also wants me to collect physical goods (clothes, food, furniture, hygiene products, etc.) to help those less fortunate around me locally.
Since I KNOW for SURE this is what God wants me to do, ANY guy who pursues me will have to get on board with this or it CANNOT work. That’s very straightforward. I know what God wants me to do and I know these things aren’t negotiable because they come directly from God Himself.
But that doesn’t mean that my future husband’s life won’t matter or that HIS goals won’t matter either.
Maybe he will like to travel. Maybe he’s passionate about traveling. Then…we travel and shine our light together. We could go around, meet other people, tell them about the blog, give them free Christian printables and serve in that way WHILE on our travels.
Maybe he will like to teach. We can teach together on a blog. He can use his teaching skills to create courses to sell. Teaching online is the same as teaching in a classroom. Maybe he could start a YouTube channel teaching. Point is, it’s something that is HIS goal, his dream and we could do it together. Both submissive to each other, and both fully loving and serving the Lord whole-heartedly.
Maybe he loves to cook. Maybe his dream is cooking a lot. So, we host get-togethers in our home and cook for our friends or bring meals to the sick, injured, or single mamas out there.
Each one of those things is a way to serve others, shine our light to the world AND meet everyone’s goals. You really just have to get creative and TALK about everything to see how it can all fit together and what they want that lines up with what you want.
It’s not all about them.
It’s not all about you.
It’s about God.
And if two people have a desire for God and to be used for Him, both of your goals, no matter HOW different they may be, CAN work together in perfect harmony, to create a life you BOTH are happy in and love.
It will take a lot of talking and working things out. It will take a lot of strategy maybe. But if you’re both focused on God and what HE wants, God will smooth out all the rough edges and make it completely possible for you both to have your dreams. After all, if your heart is set in God, is not God who puts those desires there in the first place?! Psalm 37:4. He will work it all out!
What if God says no?
What if God says no? What if He veto’s your or your spouse’s goals or dream? I’ve seen that happen actually and it’s tough. The person has a choice to make. Are they going to do things THEIR way, live life their way or God’s? Ultimately that’s what it comes down to.
They have to decide. But I WOULD say this…
God’s will, whatever that may be is ALWAYS, 100% of the time, the BEST option.
Things may LOOK “shiny” from afar but if God really gave you your way and you went down that path, you will eventually see that it was the complete WRONG path to take, you’re NOT happy at all, you DON’T feel fulfilled like you thought you would be and you hate it.
Because God wants to use you. He wants to get you to a place of BEING used and HE alone knows the best way to use your gifts, spirit, and experience. We cannot see what He sees. But He sees every angle, every molecule and I promise you, that HIS way IS best.
Do yourself a favor and stick to His will always. Don’t deviate from the path because if you are stubborn and rebellious, He will let you go down that path, but that path will not lead you where you want to go and then it’s over.
You can’t erase it. You can’t undo it. You’re stuck down a path YOU chose, you’re a lost sheep, far away from where God intended you to go and you may not ever get a chance to get back on the right path. Only HE decides if you can. I’ve seen it (with a couple other people) and it stinks!
That’s why I’m so fervent on obeying God, and doing it right away. If He asks you to do something, there may even be only ONE DAY that you get that chance to do it and if you don’t do it, He will allow you to suffer another 3 months and not give you another opportunity to do it for months at a time. True story! Believe me when I say, I learned that lesson and in 3 months, when God asked me to do it again, I jumped. I stinkin’ jumped that second 😆 and RAN as fast and as hard as I could to obey when His request came around again because I knew…
I knew I didn’t want to go through more suffering. I want to be on God’s path, I want to do things HIS way, at all times, and I NEVER, EVER want to deviate from that path, EVER! Did I mention, EVER?! 😂
Do not hesitate when God asks you to do something! It may be your only shot!
Talk about your goals with each other
After you determine what God wants you to do and have both sat down and really talked about how you both (as one) can be used to shine God’s light in this dark and dying world, all the rest of the stuff comes pretty easily and naturally. The main stuff is taken care of, it’s God’s will, no selfish him or selfish me trying to do our own little selfish wills and the rest is easier. It’s just about talking about your goals with each other.
Be understanding and patient as you listen to what the other has to say. It’s important to be respectful of each other’s goals because oftentimes it’s incredibly important to the person.
If you’re not running for the same goals in life right off the bat, that’s okay! Just remember to stay supportive of each other as you work together towards whatever it is that you want to achieve. Work together to find common ground and compromise where necessary so that BOTH people can be happy in life. Because isn’t that what you want? You want your husband to be happy, right? His goals are just as important as yours so you need to be willing to compromise and support his goals.
Lemme give you an example…
Maybe he wants to garden because it’ll save money. Have you seen the price of potatoes? Dang. To cook a pot of soup it costs like $9 just in potatoes where I’m at, and I live in Idaho….where potatoes come from! 😆 You’d think we’d see a discount or something. Nope. Okay, I’m off that tangent now! 😂
Okay, so maybe he wants to grow a garden. That’s awesome, right? But you’re not so into gardening. You have a black thumb and everyone knows it. You kill every plant known to man and it’s never been your strong suit.
If it’s your goal to serve other people, you could help him with the garden (you let him lead because he’s better at it, but learn with him as you go) and then give the veggies to other people in the church or trade for other veggies with other people. If your crop becomes too much in abundance through the blessing of the Lord, you could even sell them on Facebook Marketplace (check rules to see if that’s okay) or at the Farmer’s Market.
That is serving, meeting your needs as a family, and being a Proverbs 31 woman.
Done. Problem solved! ❤️
Find ways to compromise
There may be some areas where you’re willing to meet in the middle, and others where you’ll need to make some sacrifices. Maybe there are some things that you’re willing to budge on in order to accommodate your partner’s wishes. Or maybe there are certain sacrifices that you’ll have to do in order to maintain harmony in the relationship.
Sometimes, there will be things you’re not willing to compromise on and you’ll have to pray about that. Pray that God show you if you should continue to want that goal or pray that your husband see why it’s so important to you and he come over and sacrifice on his end for the sake of unity. But be in prayer about it as both should be willing to compromise.
Whatever the case may be, remember that communication is key. By openly discussing your goals and working together towards a resolution, you can ensure that both of you end up happy and fulfilled.
Support each other in your individual pursuits
I’m a BIG fan of doing absolutely everything you can together. After all, you’re best friends right?! That means if he wants to do something, you develop a love for it too and if you love to do something, he like it or develop a love for it.
But there will be times, in rare instances where you have a goal that is more individualized.
For example, maybe it’s your goal to always have a super squeaky clean home. That’s definitely not MY goal 😝 but I know some ladies that it IS their goal. Totally fine. It’s not a goal your husband would most likely pursue. He’s not going to really care about squeaky clean usually, just that it’s tidy and clean. So it may not be his goal but it is yours.
Work on your goal but let him know how important it is to you and ask him if he’s willing to help. Maybe he could help by not leaving the toilet seat up so you fall in it in the middle of the night 😝 or maybe he would be willing to use that laundry shoot instead of putting the clothes literally RIGHT next to it every day. 😏
Whatever he can do to help support your goal is good and you want to support his goals as well. Maybe he really wants to get a raise at work and needs a couple hours each night for a little while to study or do some extra tasks. No problem, you could watch the kids more closely during that time and keep them quiet (maybe use some free Christian printables!) 😉
The point is to support each other.
Sometimes too, it can be difficult when you and your partner have different goals in life. Maybe they want to travel the world while you’re content staying in the same place, or maybe you’re ready to start a family while they’re still focused on their career.
Be patient and loving. Decide what’s best for you both as a team, and with the help of God.
It’s important to keep communication open and honest. Talk about your respective goals and why they’re important to you and try very hard to see their point of view when it comes to their goals. By doing so, you can find common ground and work together towards achieving both of your dreams.
Be positive and encouraging
Sometimes, it can be easy to get caught up in negative thinking, but try to focus on the good things and keep everything geared toward glorifying God. Be positive and encouraging. If your spouse is working hard towards their goals, tell them how proud you are of them. This will help to keep them motivated while also showing that you support their dreams.
Just as every relationship is unique, so too are the goals that you and your partner set.
It’s not always easy to have different life goals with your spouse, but it’s definitely worth supporting them. There will be times when you and your spouse don’t see eye-to-eye on things. However, if you can put your differences aside and work together towards a common goal, your marriage will be that much stronger. This is especially important in difficult times when you need to rely on each other more than ever!