One of the first rules of thumb when it comes to organizing your home is often the famous refrain of “own less stuff and you will have less to organize.” This works for most people, but what if you are married to a pack rat or you, yourself are one? Trying to manage organization in a space with too much can present quite a challenge, but here are some tips and ideas to ease your stress about it and get things under control.
How to Organize your House with a Pack-Rat Spouse
Don’t cause strife and arguments over stuff
This is very much easier said than done, I assure you. No one likes to be accused of being a hoarder or a pack rat. The easiest way to avoid an argument is to not allow it to fester inside of you and always be kind in your choice of words. If you want your spouse to go along with your organizing tasks, don’t set them up to feel at fault to begin with. Remember that you’ll catch more fly’s with honey than a net.
Set examples
Start clearing out any clutter that you create room by room. Sometimes, this can inspire others to follow suit. Many times, pack rats simply become too overwhelmed with the amount of stuff they accumulate and don’t even know where to begin. Start going through your own things and show them it can be done.
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Create spaces that are just yours
Ask your spouse if you can have certain parts of the home clutter free and agree to not nit-pick about the rest. Start small. Maybe that area is your desk or the kitchen table. If your pack rat spouse feels like they still have some areas that you won’t say anything about, they feel like they have some control and you get some areas that are clutter free. It’s a win-win situation.
When my husband was home, I bought him some nice pantry’s to keep in the garage. That was HIS area. I didn’t touch it. He could keep whatever he wanted in it. On occasion, I’d find him actually cleaning it out. Be patient and if you can have their area be something with doors on it, so you don’t have to look at it, even better!
Don’t encourage clutter
Many people think getting a storage unit for their spouses stuff is a good way to keep it but still have the home space clear. This is a bad idea and just encourages your spouse to fill your home again and you are literally paying for their clutter each month when you pay the bill. This causes tension with YOU. Also, if certain things or stores encourage your spouse to buy stuff they don’t need, consider trying to find other hobbies to fill that time normally spent there.
Sell clutter and turn a profit…
I recently went through my house at the weekend and ended up with all these items. Things I put in my garage. It’s taking up valuable space and looks bad. Instead of donating it (costs me gas money to deliver to them) or throwing it away/recycling (fills up my trash, landfills, and takes several weeks to fit in your trash can), I sold it all on Craigslist, believe it or not.
I listed my ad to include 2 crib mattresses as well for $20 for everything. I got an offer that wanted everything but the crib mattresses for $10.
While $10 seems like such a small price to get, considering the alternatives, it’s the best solution. I help someone AND pocket a little money. I still have two crib mattresses to sell and I listed those separately now for $20 for both. I’m sure they will sell soon and I’ll end up getting more money than I originally expected.
I’ve been selling on ebay for 22 years now and Craigslist since it came out. If you wanna learn more about the ins and outs of actually making money on those platforms, check out my course, How to Make Money From Home!
Don’t ask your spouse to stop acquiring things
This creates resentment and will not lead to a good final result. Instead, ask them to organize and help them come up with a system that works for both of you. Don’t tackle it all in one day, either. Sometimes, this can be too overwhelming and before you know it, your spouse is crumbling under the pressure.
The proof is in the pudding
Show your spouse how much more efficient a home can be run without clutter. Don’t go out of your way to be an “I told you so” type of person, but DO create specific shared spaces that run super-efficient.
Give your spouse options
I learned very quickly with my husband when I’d ask him if he wanted to go clean out the garage, he’d of course have every excuse in the book as to why he shouldn’t. Instead of asking him in that way, give him choices. Something like, “I’d really like to be able to fit your car in the garage…do you think this week or next week would be a good time to go through the garage?”
First thing you should notice in that, is that you are making it about him. I’d like to fit YOUR car in the garage. There’s the prize, the honey if you will….and giving him options, this week or next. If he says next week, then simply follow up next week. If he puts it off again, ask him when to follow up again. Listen, you are ASKING permission each step of the way to nag him. It’s not considered nagging if he GAVE YOU PERMISSION! You are simply following up. Simple, but extremely effective!
Hire a professional
If it suits your budget, hiring a professional may be able to give you insight into how to help your spouse let go of some items or at least help you come up with an effective organizing system and checklist. Often times if your spouse won’t listen to you, he WILL listen to a neutral third party about how to declutter!
Robin says
Great tips! You are so right about not asking them to stop acquiring things. It totally doesn’t help……as much as I wish it did!
Stella Lee says
We’re both pack-rats but I’m working hard on decluttering my stuff and our stuff and I’m hoping that will be inspiration for him to do his stuff. I love your tips.
Sarah says
Thank you. Glad you like them Stella. 🙂
MJ says
Oh dear Sarah, you have hit the nail on the head with this one! I married a pack rat 30 years ago and have been fighting it for 28! Then I found out about the Flylady house cleaning routine for zone cleaning. By decluttering my own stuff in our house, it has had more impact on my husband, without me saying anything else. He is noticing the difference in our home and is now decluttering on his own! I love it!
Sarah Titus says
So very true MJ. I’ll have to check out that site! Thank you for sharing. 🙂
Jessica Speck says
Thank you Sarah! I have been blogging about organizing as I sweep through my own house and I have been hitting a wall with my husband. How can I blog about this and get other moms to believe me if I can’t even convince my own husband, I wondered? He kept pack-ratting stuff away in the basement and every time I would go down there, I would shudder thinking about the day I would have to organize that pit. Well, now I know that is HIS space and I need to just let him have it and let it go. It’s none of my business if he wants to keep some musty, cracked, gigantic musical instrument made out of a gourd in his basement office (I’m not even saying that ironically or spitefully–it really isn’t any of my business, ha ha!). His space, his office, none of my bees wax. Thanks so much for helping me see that and giving me peace in an otherwise blissfully happy marriage. 🙂
Sarah Titus says
That’s amazing, Jessica, that you got it. We can’t change our husbands at all. Just pray about it and have peace. You’re NOT NOT NOT a hypocrite teaching organizing if your husband is not organizationally-bent. It’s your blog, your words. With that said, thank you for sharing your story and your blog URL. I don’t usually read blogs, but you have a lot of great content already! I started clicking on some things, which I never do. I also LOVE your picture of you and your family. AWESOME! Keep up the great work! <3 <3 <3
Jessica Speck says
Oh Sarah, you and my husband have made an awful day just turn around! First he came home and gave me all kinds of love and kisses to make me feel better, then he took over the childcare for a bit so I could cry to my mom, and then I got an email from you, my new favorite blogger and hero! And you actually went to the effort to check out my blog??? And you LIKED IT??? GOSH!!! Thank you SOOO MUCH!!! And THANK YOU for reminding me to pray!! I so need some time with my Savior tonight!! I am working on getting the money to have you officially critique the blog. I am dying to hear your professional opinion so I can fix whatever’s broken. You’ll be hearing from me soon! Thanks again! Love you much!!
Sarah Titus says
Awww, Jessica, isn’t that so cool how God provided for your emotional needs tonight. I love how He does that! 🙂
I’d love to do a blog optimization critique on your blog. I do see some areas to grow drastically in, but again, your blog is really awesome. It has great (engaging) posts, which is foundational! Just let me know when I can help. I’m ready! 🙂 Right now, I’m working on one and she’s literally sitting on a GOLDMINE and hasn’t seen it. I can’t WAIT to tell her! So excited, I literally couldn’t sleep tonight. LOL…..I get excited. 🙂