This past year, I have been hazed more for my parenting than for anything else. It’s like God allowed Satan to sift me like wheat in all areas of parenting. And this entire year, I haven’t felt comfortable sharing anything with anyone ABOUT parenting. I felt like I wasn’t good enough.
I’ve been accused of feeding my kids dog food, because apparently I don’t have enough money to feed my kids (this being the most ludicrous thing because of how affluent I actually live my life and how much food we actually give to those around us).
I’ve been accused of so many different things and at the time, I admit, I called out to Christ asking WHY. I think that the thing that hurts me the most, where I’m the most vulnerable in my life, is in the area of my kids and so Satan twisted the knife.
Before this, I thought I was a great mom. One of the bests. I’ve sacrificed in so many ways, so many times for my family. I’ve put it all on the line. I told the judge in the divorce, NO, I won’t work outside the home and get a “REAL” job like he and everyone else told me to do. Yes, I would sacrifice $500-$1k/month in the divorce by doing so.
And instead of getting praise for actually believing in myself, believing in God, and putting my kids at the first front of my heart and life, I was mocked for it. IF ONLY, I loved my kids MORE, I WOULD HAVE taken a REAL job outside the home, left them with a babysitter. Provided “STABLE” income for them. This is wise and good, they said.
How is my following my gut and what I believe God was leading me to do, to become a blogger and provide for my family WITHOUT government assistance, to get to the place of literally helping OTHER people who need it financially, make me a bad parent?
Even as successful as I am, I STILL get teased to this day of how foolish I am for blogging and not working outside the home. How it’s dumb to work inside the home because yeah, sometimes I work while my children play. What’s better? Leave them with a babysitter and work outside the home? I don’t get it. How is that better? And how am I hurting anyone by not buying into that garbage?
This week, yet again, I was hazed for appreciating time by myself….
For a couple of days this week, my kids were out-of-town, and while I love my kids to death, I also can appreciate time by myself. Completely alone. Just me and God.
But as I shared how I was happy that I did have a few moments to myself on social media, I was completely hazed by other moms.
“What kind of mother likes being without her kids?” “I’ve unfriended people for less than what you’ve said.” The comments poured in.
At first, I thought, maybe they are right. Maybe I just don’t love my kids enough.
And then I snapped out of it. It was like a brick hit me on the head and God silently (well, loudly — but not audibly) spoke to my heart. SATAN IS ATTACKING YOU….I thought to myself, WHY???? And then it dawned on me. My teaching other women how to be a better mom or how to deal with certain behaviors that I’ve experienced with my kids glorifies Christ. Because I am teaching the world and showing others love and grace, and this makes Satan angry. He doesn’t want God to be honored. And so, he attacks.
And yet, I remain strong…
There are very few moms in the world that have the opportunity to make a real life decision, your children spending a few weeks or months out of the year with your ex husband or tens of thousands of dollars…or my decision to lose out on $500-$1k/month income to NOT work outside the home. I’ve given up so much money in the past 5 years for them and I’m NOT sorry!!!!! I’m not saying that someone who hasn’t had the chance to prove their love for their kids in such a public way doesn’t love them, but I AM saying that it gives me peace, knowing that when I came face to face with these situations, I prove that I love my kids more than anything else on this planet. I prove it by my choices, by my walk, by my faith. And wherever there is good in the world, the evil follows to spoil it.
These are the last days and Satan doesn’t have much time left and he knows it. He’s grasping for straws and because there not a lot of true believers in the world anymore, those that are light, stand brighter than ever and have a bigger bulls-eye on their back than in previous generations, where there were more Christians for him to try to tear down. Is Satan after me? Yes, and if you are saved, he’s after you too. But find courage. He who is in you, is greater than he who is in the world. God is stronger. When all is said and done and the dust settles, God wins. Plain and simple. And nothing Satan does is outside of God’s control.
I remember standing there in front of the judge…it was like a bad dream I will never forget. I was scared. Scared of losing everything. Scared that because I told the judge NO, he’d throw me in jail. You don’t talk back to a judge, but I couldn’t agree with him. My lawyers BEGGED me repeatedly to just get a job. Simple, right? But ultimately, I chose my kids. Completely POOR at the time, making $700/month in income at the time, I chose my kids.
Because of the choices I’ve made in my life and the sacrifices I make every. single. day. I know that I’m a good mom and I don’t have to prove that to anyone.
What I WILL SAY is that I think if we are honest, completely honest for a moment, every mom would say that they would enjoy a few hours or a day off. Since I’m a single mom and literally never get a break….it’s “the Sarah show” 100% of the time, I get tired. Why should I feel bad that I get tired? That I need to recharge? Refresh?
I think that we can become WORSE moms when we DON’T recharge! Because then we get cranky, life roughs us up and we all need a break sometimes. A vacation, a change of scenery, something. For me, that is admitting and accepting that I’m by myself. That I don’t have a husband to help me raise my precious little ones through no fault of my own, and that, yes, I need help. As the quote goes, “I don’t want a community raising my kids. Trust me, I’ve seen the community.” The world is horrible, in desperate need of a Savior, but if you are a mom, you are ALLOWED to take a small break and THAT is the reason I write this post. You need to know that it IS OKAY to take a break sometimes when you need it.
Don’t let others make you feel guilty that you need time.
We all do, whether we admit it or not. None of us are perfect, and although literally everyone I’ve ever known has told me how strong I am at one point or another, I am NOT strong ENOUGH. My strength comes from Christ and as a human, I need rest.
If you are feeling guilty or like you’re not good enough because you just need an hour or a day to yourself, DON’T!!!
Take the time that you need, come back, and pour on sacrificial love to your kids. Take the time you need to recharge and feel better, completely resting, so that you CAN handle the next week. Because being a mom is hard, and instead of hazing other moms, we need to encourage, uplift, help, and love other moms.
Have you ever been hazed by other moms, whether it be online or in person? Did you feel yourself begin to believe what they said? Did this post help you realize that maybe the problem isn’t you?