Several years ago, while I was going through divorce (my ex-husband abandoned us), a man from my local church came to help me with a manly man’s project…you know, one of those projects that is way more suited for a strong man than a girly girl like me. 😊
We were talking and he was saying how he went through a divorce too and it was really tough for him. Wanting a guy’s opinion, I asked him what was his #1 piece of advice for me in a divorce.
He said, “Don’t lose yourself. It’s really easy to do and it’ll mess up your life like you wouldn’t believe.” He shared with me how he went down the wrong path, but was doing good now.
I didn’t understand what he meant at the time, to be honest. I just didn’t get it. But I kept that advice with me at all times. I held onto his advice as precious, even to this day, because I knew he went through it too. He understood.
I was just starting my blog at the time of my divorce, and I used the blog, honestly, as somewhat of a personal journal. I shared my life because I felt comfortable doing so. I was a nobody. No one paid attention to me and it became an outlet for me. I could say whatever I wanted to say and no one would know. Even my friends in real life, didn’t know I was a blogger. I didn’t really even know what blogging was about yet.
So, I could be completely free to just be me. To talk about and share whatever I wanted to share, whatever it was that was on my heart that day. I just talked…I didn’t think anyone would actually listen! 😊
Little by little, my little blog became pretty successful. Over time, my highest traffic got to 1.7 million readers a month. Suddenly, I closed up. I felt like I couldn’t talk. I couldn’t share my heart because there were so many eyes watching me. And in real life, I kept getting emails from friends saying, “I know that post is about me” or, “You can’t say that, you talk to millions of people.”
After a while, I got inside my head. I simply stopped sharing. I just didn’t want to offend anyone. I was scared of saying the wrong things. Getting told about it later.
I just stopped…..I lost myself.
I was so worried trying to be who everyone else wanted me to be. To keep my nose clean and stay out of trouble. To my friends, I say out of deep love and appreciation, I need to write what’s on my heart (or I’m simply just WASTING God’s gift to help others) and though I don’t intend to harm you, I also don’t write to you. I do write to someone though. I feel it’s important to pick ONE person to write to and just write to them. The person I write to is myself, a younger version of me- to be more precise. I write to young Sarah Titus. The girl who didn’t know about life; the girl who was desperate to learn.
Every day, on my blog, on social media, in my newsletter, wherever it is that I’m talking, I’m writing to her. So to my friends, I say in the most loving way, I’m not writing to you. I’m writing to me. I’m storing my journey online. I’m preserving my life for future generations. I’m helping others going through the same thing. THAT is what a blog is about.
But I got away from that. I felt like I lost myself…I didn’t know who I was anymore. Everyone thinks that I’m this STRONG woman, but that doesn’t FEEL like me. I have trials too; really bad ones. And in the midst of a tough trial, I’m NOT strong. I’m this little weakling hanging onto a thread for dear life. I can’t get through the trials on my own. I’m NOT strong enough.
My strength comes from God. He’s the ONLY one that gets me through everything I’ve been through.
The truth is, that I’ve had more pain in my life than good times. Someone this week said something like, “After everything you’ve been through in your life, the fact that you’re standing here and in your right mind, is just incredible.”
A couple years ago, someone of great influence told me I should kill myself. She was shocked that I was still living, she said. She was a very mean individual who was trying to hurt me emotionally, through Satan’s power I’m sure.
But through all of that, here I stand. And the truth is, it’s not been by my might or strength…it’s been by God’s. She was right. I should be dead right now. Without God, I probably would be. But there is NOTHING that is too strong for Him. There’s NOTHING, friends, that He cannot handle! He can do all things. As hard as your situation is right now, be of great cheer, because if you’re Christian, you have the God who made the entire universe on YOUR side.
You’re not alone…in the deepest, darkest hours of our lives, we’re ALL just hanging by a thread, even the women who are KNOWN for being strong…
Listen, we all struggle. We all fall down. We all get persecuted for stuff that’s not our fault. We are hurt sometimes. But what you do in those moments of great pain, now THAT’S what REALLY counts.
In my moments of great pain, I write you! 😊 I encourage you, because I know what it feels like. It hurts. I don’t want you to think I have everything together, because I don’t. Sometimes I wake up and feel like I can conquer the entire world before lunch, the next day I can barely motivate myself to take a shower. 😂 We all go through stuff. I want you to know that you’re not alone. That whatever it is you’re dealing with right now, I’m here…and God is right beside you.
I was reading the Bible today and came across the verse about seek and you shall find, ask and it shall be given (Matthew 7:7). It’s not saying God is a genie granting our every wish, but if you’re a true believer, He does answer every single prayer.
So, ask Him.
Lay your heart down before Him and just share. Tell Him what’s bothering you and why. Ask Him to help. He’s not too busy to listen to you, and He genuinely cares.
Lay your burdens at His feet…let Him care for you…let Him take care of your situation. You just sit there, in full obedience and confidence that the God who made the entire universe and everything in it, has got your back.
Let Him control situations. Let Him fight your battles. Just rest in Him. Be in prayer, read the Word, listen to lots of sermons (my favorites that I’m listening to right now are here) and just ENJOY your time with Him. 👉 In this life, there is NOTHING better than sitting at the feet of God.
Let the stress go, let the quarrels go, let the pain go, and just enjoy your time with Him, trusting that He’s got this. You’re gonna be okay. Although you may not see it, He’s working hard on your behalf in the background.