I know how lonely it feels and how so far out of touch from him it seems when your husband never listens to you. You want to tell him about your day or that funny joke you heard at lunchtime.
You want to share your worries and your ideas, your feelings and your dreams. You want his safety net and his loving assurances that ease your mind. You miss that camaraderie that comes with being married and having a husband, a partner for life to share everything with.
When it feels like your husband never listens to what you say, it can be devastating. It can impact your entire world, your day-to-day life, because it feels like you’re alone with no one to turn to.
Because when he never listens to you, it means he isn’t on the same page as you. He isn’t meeting you eye to eye. It feels like he doesn’t care enough to open his ears and hear what you have to say.
I get it but there are a lot of things you can do to encourage him to listen! Did you know that?! You’re not stuck in this dead-end relationship. YOU….CAN change it!
My Husband Never Listens To Me
Change How YOU Do Things
First, we must line OURSELVES up to the biblical standard before we can have any leg to stand on with others.
Ask yourself…are you listening to HIM? Does HE feel heard? Are you making an effort to spend real, quality time together? Does HE know that his opinions matter? Are you cultivating love in your relationship or have you given up? Just going through the motions type of thing. Are you constantly nagging him?
If you are nagging him, this will make anyone’s ears start to tune you out, whether your husband or children. Plus, it’s not biblical (Provers 21:9).
Let’s tackle nagging practically.
A good rule of thumb (not to be used to become legalistic about it, but a guideline to help a wife stop nagging), is to only bring up big situations once a month.
If you’ve asked him to clean out the garage, for example, and it’s a whole day’s effort and he just hasn’t seem to ever done it and it’s been months, try backing off a bit. This happened to me when I was married to Melvin. I needed him to clear out his own personal stuff in the garage and he just wasn’t doing it, and I get it. He was tired from working, it was the last thing he wanted to do on his time off. So instead of nagging, I simply asked him to do it and he didn’t. Month two comes around, and I asked him again, he didn’t do it. By month three, I asked again and was surprised to find him one day doing it.
In this way, I was able to get him to clean things out and *I* wasn’t sinning! It wasn’t something I could do myself- it was his belongings that he had to organize. The rest of the garage was organized, and it was just his stuff left. In that way, I was an example. First, I had my part done, second, I wasn’t nagging. And he did it. It was great! 🙂
Not everything you can wait to ask once/month, so use your best judgment. If you have a leaky hole in the roof and he won’t fix it after asking him, you may have to call out a professional to take care of it. Otherwise, there would be damage to your home and you can’t have that.
In littler cases, let’s say you are asking him to take out the trash and it’s the next day and he didn’t do it. You have two options here. You can remind him (maybe he forgot) or you could just do it yourself. I think that either would be okay but I feel one of the options is BETTER.
Why not take it out yourself? Silently, without mentioning it to him. I guarantee you that the next time he goes to through something away, he will see you’ve done it yourself and remember you asked him to do it. It will cause him to feel guilt. The next time you ask him to do something, he may do it.
If the pattern of your life is to live in peace, harmony, and love, it’s not a problem to take out the trash real quick. If you have to work HARDER in order to live in peace, then you are pleasing the Lord and He will honor and bless you for your good heart’s attitude regarding this.
It’s much better to live in peace, than to get all cranky and yell at him for not doing it. After all, he’s not your child, he’s your partner in life. Someone YOU were chosen to be HIS wife, not the other way around. Keep in mind that Adam was created FIRST, and Eve as a helpmeet TO Adam. Your husband is not put on earth for YOU, YOU were put on earth for HIM. To help him, to love him, to meet his needs.
Again, use your best judgment in your own particular situations, but be sure that YOU are living YOUR life in light of God’s standard. We cannot change other people but by becoming an example to those around us, we can certainly encourage them to become better people! And we can do it all in a peaceful, loving manner with no complications or fights.
If you’re walking in the spirit and you’re living your life as an example, next, go to him and talk to him. Men appreciate it when women are blunt and do not beat around the bush!
Talk To Him
You never know, maybe he’s going through something himself that is keeping his mind elsewhere. Maybe he doesn’t even realize he’s doing it. So be sure you talk to him first before you point fingers and accusations about anything.
When you are hurt by the one you love the most, it really can feel like your whole world is crumbling. But don’t assume you know everything, regardless of what your mind is telling you.
Give him the benefit of the doubt. Approach him kindly about how you feel like he never listens to you. Give him a few examples about it. But end it with asking him about himself. I know you feel like you’re the one who’s hurt, but when you try to help someone else in the midst of your pain, it could help you. And in this case, you’re seeking out any problems your husband may be going through to cause him to not listen to you, getting to the root of the matter.
If all is well for him, then let him know how you feel. You can talk truthfully. He is your husband, after all. Complete and utter honesty is key. You must tell him about how you’re feeling and then proceed to tell him why you need what you need. He could just be completely oblivious to it all.
If there is an issue with him, however, be attentive. Don’t talk while he’s talking, but simply listen to what he has to say. Hopefully you can resolve what he’s going through and together resolve the issue of him not listening to you.
Pray About It
Prayer is a very powerful weapon for all things in life.
It is constantly my number one answer to everything. Yes, everything! Of course, there are tons of other solutions to all kinds of problems, but if you pray about it and give it to God, and listen to God, you will be in a much, much better place about it all.
So even with your husband not listening to you, talk to God about it. Tell God how deep this hurt goes and tell Him everything. In the middle of your praying, be sure you still praise him in this storm.
No matter what happens he is still a wonderful, faithful God and HE listens to you!!!
A Final Word About When Your Husband Never Listens
There could be a number of reasons why your husband isn’t listening to you, some intentional and some unintentional.
Don’t approach him like General in the military. Be kind and tenderhearted with the topic. Usually, the way you say things is just as important as what you say. So be sure you’re modeling the very thing you want to see from him with you.
It’s worth mentioning again, but it still holds true; your husband could be going through something himself and, for whatever reason, he isn’t listening to you. It could be that he’s worried about something or just simply tired. It could be a deeper issue than that as well, such as an emotional or spiritual battle he’s going through. Give him the benefit of the doubt before you point fingers. Hear him out and truly talk everything out. Let him know you’re there for him and you want to listen to him and help him in any way you can.
Oftentimes, if we are truly listening to our husband and making a real effort to help him, he will model that behavior back to us.
Don’t enter the conversation by being the victim. Oftentimes, communication is a 2-way street, so own what you may or may not have done that could have caused this and rectify the situation too. Consider the possibility that the cause for this may be you. And if so, don’t be defensive or ugly in any way. You want him to continue being open with you, so be thankful he’s talking to you about it so you can both resolve this issue before it gets worse.
Pray together as much as possible and be sure you’re putting God in the center of your marriage. This will strengthen your marriage, and your bond with him, and will naturally lead to more open conversations and communications.